Posts Tagged ‘Sadness’

I’m not going to say that I’m feeling 100% better than Friday but I’m making progress. I went to my Grandpas for dinner last night and when I was faced with the flooding of emotional sadness and grief  for my Grandma as I walked in, I embraced the feelings and took a minute away from everyone to cry. I’m starting to feel like some of the tension held up in my body from all of these emotions is finally escaping. Every time I cry I feel like I take one step closer to life without anxiety and the lump in my throat. I’ve pushed these feelings deep down for too long! I’ve been on a new med (Saphris) for almost a week now and feel like my overall mood is beginning to lift. I felt like I was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster  that kept flying right past the stopping point, no one was in control. I feel a little foggy in the morning and sometimes feel like I’m lucky I can find my way to work :p but other than that it seems to be doing the job (without the weight gain!). For now I’mstrolling through every day (in heels of course) with a renewed sense of happiness because of the new meds and my ability to finally allow myself to grieve.  – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Honest opinion about how I’m feeling today… sad!!!I miss my Grandma!!! I had a breakdown last night and finally had a good emotional cry, six months later. I’ve now realized that everyone has their own grieving process and there is no right or wrong way to do it  or or when to do it. I’m allowing myself to feel the emotions, no matter how painful, and cry when it comes. I can’t always be strong and I need to learn how to lean on others when I need support. I think that being Bipolar has numbed me to allowing myself to feel some emotions because I try to keep some of them at bay so that I don’t lose it. For the most part I’m full of such extreme emotions on a day to day basis that it’s hard to determine what is real and what is the disease creeping in??? I miss her and that’s normal, crying is normal, sadness is normal, regret is normal, “what if” is normal, questioning is normal. So my conclusion for now… I’m sad today but it’s not a “crazy” sad it’s a healthy sad. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

My mood is lifting with each new day. I’m feeling much better and am getting back to being the CrazyInHeels girl that I am. I look back over the last few months and I can see all the warning signs of hypomania and manic depression. I went from an extreme high to an extreme low in a matter of a day or so. The hypomania was great and I look forward to it’s return. The depression can stay away! I haven’t been myself lately and that made me very sad. Those closest to me saw a difference as well. Now they get to see me return to me and it’s nice to hear people say that they see me going back to normal. I hate crying in the middle of the day for no reason, having an extreme lack of energy, experiencing extreme agitation & frustration, being highly combative, being filled with anxiety, and feeling completely hopeless. It’s horrible to be us when were depressed. It feels like your stuck in your own hell and you can’t get out. I’m so thankful that I have access to meds! I can’t stress how manageable my life is when I’m medicated. I’m genuinely a happy person, I work hard, I’m confident, and I’m in the scope of reality!!! Life is so much easier when I’m medicated and I strongly suggest you seek medical attention if you think you could be bipolar. You have the potential to live a normal healthy life but you have to be willing to admit that you’re “crazy”… much love!!! – CrazyInHeels

Today I feel like there’s hope for my mood to return to a somewhat “normal” status. I know the good mood is there and I can ALMOST reach out and grab it. The meds are kicking in. Just the feeling of kowing that I’m close is what’s getting me through the day. I meet with my doc in a couple of days to adjust my meds and I know it’ll be even better after that. I wish I could run right into my her office and get an IV of meds shot right into veins for instant happiness. If only it were that easy! I know it sounds cliche but I’ve lost interest in the things that I love, I’m sad, I cry for no reason, I sleep all the time, I’m not talking to my friends, I’m tired and have no energy. I’ve crashed into depression and am trying to climb my way out of it. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thank God I’m feeling better than yesterday! I thought I was going to lose my mind yesterday. I was so anxious and sad. I would periodically start crying for absolutely no reason. I felt totally out of it and definitely not myself. I was consumed with sadness, I was stuck in my own hell of crazy thoughts. There was nothing I could do to snap out of it! I took some medicine that my doc had prescribed in case of this very situation. I was hesitant to take it because I knew it would make me tired but I had enough sense to let that go. I was afraid I was going to just lose it… have a psychotic break and end up in the ER from a mental breakdown. I took the meds and sure enough I was feeling much better within a couple of hours, crazy how that works. I could tell the minute I woke up that the meds were working their magic. I didn’t hate the world and want to stay in bed all day. I have more energy and am happy to face the day today. I hope this feeling lasts for a while. – XOXO CrazyInHeels