» Sad

The Journey To Normal

Nicole — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 02:01:24 +0000

Where am I today… somewhere in between normal and crazy. I guess maybe this is where I’m supposed to be since I’m “crazy”. The last week has been rough. I’m happy and normal all day and then something switches to the on position and I’m angry, sad and agitated… WTF?! We’re adjusting my meds accordingly, hoping to get to the exact dosage my body needs, tricky task I must say. In the mean time I feel happy at times but with the lingering possibility that I can go from zero to crazy in point two seconds. I guess sometimes you just have to grab on and hold on to the possibility that “normal” will return, at least I hope. The feelings of “losing my mind” will slowly slip into yesterdays memory. For now, I’ll hope for a best and enjoy my time off as I travel along the journey… back to normal! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

The Honest Truth

Nicole — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:53:42 +0000

The truth for today… I’m sad and depressed. For the most part I try and stay positive but today is a rough one and instead of hiding how I really feel I’m just gonna be honest… today was hard and I cried a lot. This “crazy” disease got the best of me and I had a melt down. I’m not stable right now as the new med had too many side effects and I had to stop taking it. I see the doctor tomorrow for a new prescription and the appointment can’t come fast enough. Funny how this disease just knocks ya on your ass sometimes. I’m happy and positive one minute and curled up crying and anxious the next minute. I allowed myself to feel sad and reached out to those around me for support. I feel sorry for myself tonight. I wish I wasn’t crazy, anxious, depressed, and crying. I wish I didn’t have to take so many meds and I wish I didn’t have to deal with all the annoying side effects. Here take this pill so you feel normal… but… it’ll make you so tired you can’t function, gain weight, cause headaches, heart burn, and make you nauseous… but… you’ll feel better???!!! WTF seriously?! Ok, ok, I’m done complaining for today. Sometimes you just have to be honest. Life isn’t easy all the time and that’s ok, just don’t get stuck in the spin cycle of negativity. For now I’m going to see the doc, adjust my meds, take extra time for me, and reach out for support. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Where Am I??

Nicole — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:54:02 +0000

I’m lost as to what mood I’m in at this precise moment. Today has been a whirlwind. I was tired this morning, then agitated & moody, then talkative & excited then all the way back to agitated and moody. Can someone point me in the direction of “normal” (if there is such a thing?)! Sometimes I get so sick of all these “crazy” feelings that I want to wine, complain, scream, cry, pout, and burry myself under my covers! If you want the truth… some days are just down right shitty!!! Ok, Ok… I’m done complaining for now. I’m giving myself time to wallow and then I’m back to seeing the positive in life, even though it’s next to impossible sometimes. Closing my eyes hoping tomorrow brings much happiness. -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Sick

Nicole — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 05:09:12 +0000

I’ve been having a rough few days. Over the weekend I’ve felt sad again. I think the meds have been making me extremely tired so being tired and sad it’s been hard to get up and do anything. Then to top it off I now have a horrible cold. I’m stuck in bead with a sore throat, stuffy nose, and headache! I’ll let you know when I’m feeling better, hopefully soon. - XOXO CrazyInHeels

Missing Grandma

Nicole — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 05:35:27 +0000

Thanksgiving will be the first holiday that I will spend grieving the loss of Grandma. I’ve already cried while leaving the grocery store. I see all of the holiday foods to buy and it makes me sad to know that she won’t be the one cooking the fabulous dinner. How does one live up to Grandmas cooking?! Sometimes when I get sad I push the sadness away which is out of character for me. Today I let it takeover and I had a moment of sadness. I was wondering if it’s because my medicine hasn’t kicked in yet and I’m emotional anyways right now but I feel it was different. I can start to feel the meds working but it’s definitely not at it’s full potential. My sadness came from my heart. I truly miss her and I know that when we get over to see Grandpa it will be sad not to see her running around the kitchen and even more sad not to see her sitting at the edge of the table across from the man she was married to for 59 years. I don’t think I’m being too emotional, I shouldn’t feel ashamed of being sad, like I’m an emotional crazy girl that cries over everything. My tears are genuine and I”m going to let them fall as they will and know that it’s ok to acknowledge her and my feelings. I miss her so very much!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thank God For My Doctor

Nicole — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:02:26 +0000

I got to see my doctor today… thank God!!!! I feel better just by going there. I have no problem admitting that I’m crazy and need drugs asap! She put me on a new drug Tegretol. So I’ll be on Lamictal and Tegretol. Hopefully this starts to make me feel better. I haven’t cried and screamed as much as yesterday. I got a little combative with my fiance yesterday, I was a little irrational. I can say that now, poor guy! It takes a lot to deal with us “crazy” people (I mean that in the nicest way possible). I’m trying to take care of myself and do things that aren’t stressful and take a lot of energy. I’m going to get through this, it will pass. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Cranky… Yet Again

Nicole — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:11:23 +0000

I’m going to try and stay positive even though my brain decided to slap me in the face this morning with a bad mood! I woke up yet again to another cranky and depressed mood. I have to try and make mysefl laugh about this depressed state of mind or I won’t make it through the day. I’ve been cursed with crazy thoughts and I can’t escape them. I just love to be so angry, cranky, sad, depressed, negative, crying, agitated, and frusrtrated… yea right! I want to kick up my heels for the day and crawl into bed, but I can’t and I won’t! I have to keep it together as best I can for now. I know deep down that these feelings will pass and I’m just having “crazy” thoughts temporarily, easy said then done right?! I know, trust me, but what else am I gonna do? I wish I could give an honest answer when people ask me how my day is… oh the things I would say! Blah, blah, blah I’m lucky I have enough energy to write. Hopefully I make it till five without losing my mind in front of those around me (how embarassing would that be, or funny :p)

- XOXO CrazyInHeels