» Positive

Busy, Busy, Busy – Manic Or Just Busy??

Nicole — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:12:25 +0000

As if my life couldn’t get any crazier… I just found out the class I’m in for the next 7 weeks has two papers and a quiz due every week, OMG… my wedding is in 8 weeks. As I thought about my predicament, which is: 1) Crazy busy with work, I’m really trying to learn and grow more within my current job 2) Crazy busy with schoolwork, my nights disappear into books, papers, and research 3) My “spare” time which is far and few between is spent working on my wedding!!! Some would say “That’s too much to do, you’re crazy (yes, I am), where does all my time go, but then I had a new thought, I can think of this in a positive manner… 1) Job security 2) I’m obtaining an education that is priceless but also extremely empowering 3) I’m marrying an incredible man whom I love dearly! So, with my new found thought process I easily move from one task to the next. I feel like I’m happy, I have energy, and I’m accomplishing a lot but I also notice a slight weight loss, constant thoughts flying around in my head, last night I couldn’t fall asleep… am I slowly working my way into a manic state?! I wouldn’t mind the extra energy (who wouldn’t!) but I don’t want to crash!!! For now, I realize what might or might not be happening, being aware is what will help me deal with the “situation” at hand. I’ll be running around, crazy as ever… in heels none the less :) – CrazyInHeels

Chose To Be Positive

Nicole — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 16:16:37 +0000

Do you feel like you let others upset you easily?? It’s hard to be around negative people but inevitable at times, so learning how to deal with them would be an appropriate response. Let’s face it… not everyone is going to be nice! One thing that has helped me is trying to view the person and their actions through a different “lens”, if you will. I strongly believe that stripped to the core, every person has a good heart. Try pulling from the good qualities you think the person might have. There is a reason that people are brought into your life, can you figure out why?? You have to remember that you can only control your own actions, so why not make them positive. It’s actually a lot easier to get up and face everyday with a smile, and it can be contagious! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

“People and things do not upset us, rather we upset ourselves by BELIEVING that they can upset us.” – Albert Ellis

Live Normal

Nicole — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:54:59 +0000

Still doing good, happy to report! I’m waking up in a good mood and staying in a good mood, this is so exciting! I don’t think you can truly appreciate the good days without experiencing the bad days. I believe that because I’m, oh… soooo… blessed with being crazy, I’m more in tune with my emotions and I experience life on a different level than others. Now, I know that can sound crazy in and of it self but those of you that are “crazy” get it and those of you that don’t.. too bad! haha I chose to see the positive side of this disease because that’s the only way I’m going to make it through this oh.. soooo.. crazy life! I don’t feel bad for myself, pity myself, blame, or make excuses for myself. Sure, I’m a little “crazy” but who isn’t?? I have just as much of right to be here experiencing life as the next person. Life is what you chose to make of it. If you think something is wrong, go to the doctor. I’m tellin ya… you can feel normal! Get of your bootie, dust off you heels and start living!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Back To Me, Heels And All ;P

Nicole — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:21:19 +0000

Yay, I’m still in a good mood. The new med is working great!!! I’m thankful I was able to take the week off of work to get back to the crazy silly girl I am but I’m going stir crazy…. so … stir crazy & mental crazy, what a combo! I’m excited to get back to reality. I have a few friends getting married in the next month so I will be VERY busy for the next few weeks. I’m looking forward to being able to celebrate, the crazy girl I’ve been the last month would not be able to stop crying long enough to make a toast. I didn’t think I would ever get back to “me” but I did and I’m excited to get back out there, heels and all!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

One Foot In Front Of The Other

Nicole — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 20:07:42 +0000

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I can only think about one day at a time and one foot in front of the other. I must allow for patience, very hard sometimes! I think I’ve finally found the right med, and I’m not gaining weight, yay! For the last month I’ve felt like a human guinea pig as I tried three different medications. It was definitely frustrating, to say the least. I’m happy to say that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel… “normal life” I’m thankful that I was able to take the week off so I could focus on getting better without the added stress. I’m actually excited to go back to work because I’m going stir crazy and day time television sucks the intelligence right out of a person. I’ve kicked my heels up for long enough, it’s time to get back to reality… & being happy!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Live Normal While Going Crazy

Nicole — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 03:14:45 +0000

I’ve had a rough couple of days! Have you ever tried to live a normal life while going absolutely crazy in the inside?! I’m in the middle of a med change so my emotions have been all over the place. I try to go through the motions just to get to the next day in hopes of feeling better… but… still trying to get to that point. No one said being “crazy” was going to be easy. I keep telling myself that “this will pass” but you can only say it so many times! I’m hoping that when I wake up in the morning I’ll feel normal again (whatever the hell that means). I’m working on my positive thinking and am happy for the great care I receive and supportive friends and family. I have so much to be thankful for and I can see the end of the tunnel – XOXO CrazyInHeels

The Honest Truth

Nicole — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 02:53:42 +0000

The truth for today… I’m sad and depressed. For the most part I try and stay positive but today is a rough one and instead of hiding how I really feel I’m just gonna be honest… today was hard and I cried a lot. This “crazy” disease got the best of me and I had a melt down. I’m not stable right now as the new med had too many side effects and I had to stop taking it. I see the doctor tomorrow for a new prescription and the appointment can’t come fast enough. Funny how this disease just knocks ya on your ass sometimes. I’m happy and positive one minute and curled up crying and anxious the next minute. I allowed myself to feel sad and reached out to those around me for support. I feel sorry for myself tonight. I wish I wasn’t crazy, anxious, depressed, and crying. I wish I didn’t have to take so many meds and I wish I didn’t have to deal with all the annoying side effects. Here take this pill so you feel normal… but… it’ll make you so tired you can’t function, gain weight, cause headaches, heart burn, and make you nauseous… but… you’ll feel better???!!! WTF seriously?! Ok, ok, I’m done complaining for today. Sometimes you just have to be honest. Life isn’t easy all the time and that’s ok, just don’t get stuck in the spin cycle of negativity. For now I’m going to see the doc, adjust my meds, take extra time for me, and reach out for support. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Stuck

Nicole — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 23:22:17 +0000

I’m stuck in between normal and annoyed, I’m in that kind of mood! I’m not making excuses I’m just saying that when you’re “crazy” you have days where everything and everyone annoy the hell out of you. I’m keeping positive and reminding myself that I have plenty to be thankful for. Sometimes you have to pick yourself up and carry yourself through to the end of the day, today is that day! I’m frustrated that I have a “mental illness”, I’m frustrated that I have to take medicine, I’m frustrated that I have stupid side effects from the medicine, I’m frustrated that I’m sensitive, blah, blah, blah. I just had to get that out! Sometimes you gotta take a second allow yourself to feel the feelings you have and move on. For now… I’m frustrated!!! I will accept these feelings work through them and move on. I can’t spend my days upset and focused on the problem, that will get me absolutely no where! I’m going to focus on the solutions and keep plugging away!- XOXO CrazyInHeels

WTF… I’ll Be Honest!!!

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:44:38 +0000

I was so excited yesterday because the Hypo mania decided to pay me a visit… awesome! but, of course, today I’m feeling a little bit moody and “bitchy” I suppose!I guess I didn’t really understand that I could have the ups and downs even with the meds, learning my lesson. I definitely don’t mind the ups (Hypo mania) or the “normal” state of mind that the medication is responsible for but the depressed, moody, bitchy, sensitive, and anxious feelings (just to name a few) I’d rather just kick in the ass (with my pointiest of pointy high heels) GOODBYE! I try to stay positive, most of the time, but for now I’de rather bitch and complain about the drastic swings of my mood from happy to sad, patient to inpatient, excited to anxious and oh… let’s through in a little bit (oh fuck it I’ll be honest) A LOT of anxiety!!! and see how this girls handles life… WTF!!!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Present Moment

Nicole — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:52:44 +0000

Would I really want to feel like a normal twenty something chic trying to navigate through life??? I don’t think it would be such an adventure! Being crazy has allowed me to love more, cry more, feel more, and do things I would never do if I was normal, I suppose (is this good or bad?). How would the story of “My Life” go? I wish I could watch my life on a DVD and have the option to view the different endings, but I can’t (bummer). So if I can’t see the future I guess I’ll work on the present moment. The best I can do for today with what I have is go to see my doctors, take my meds, take time for myself, and stay positive in hopes of staying on an even playing field. When I do all of these things I have a clear mind to help me make sense of this crazy life and make choices that are good for myself and others around me. This story will end good!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels