Posts Tagged ‘Normal’

NORMAL IS ONLY A CYCLE ON A WASHING MACHINE!!!

I’m not sure if my meds are working particularly great today or if it’s because it’s Friday (or both) but I’m in a great mood today. The anxiety about my anxiety that camps out in my throat is not as bad as it normally is, at this moment. I’m happy to be me and happy to be at the emotional mood I’m in at this moment. All I can do is be present in this moment. I’m making an effort to relax & take time for me. If I’m constantly on the go I know that at some point I’ll come to a screeching halt (lose my mind) not a pretty site! Since I’m now going to be tackling the art of “Cognitive Thinking” I might grab a book and read up. I need to get a better control of my thoughts ASAP!!! (say a prayer!) - XOXO CrazyInHeels

Would I really want to feel like a normal twenty something chic trying to navigate through life??? I don’t think it would be such an adventure! Being crazy has allowed me to love more, cry more, feel more, and do things I would never do if I was normal, I suppose (is this good or bad?). How would the story of “My Life” go? I wish I could watch my life on a DVD and have the option to view the different endings, but I can’t (bummer). So if I can’t see the future I guess I’ll work on the present moment. The best I can do for today with what I have is go to see my doctors, take my meds, take time for myself, and stay positive in hopes of staying on an even playing field. When I do all of these things I have a clear mind to help me make sense of this crazy life and make choices that are good for myself and others around me. This story will end good!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Checked in with my doctor (Nurse Practitioner) yesterday for a med check and everything seems to be looking better now. I think I’m finally out of my depression and back to my normal self, half a year later! I wake up on time, work all day with focus, get excited about things in my life that make me happy, and spend more time with friends. It’s nice when people around me notice a difference and let me know. I’m going to check in with my psychologist just to get some guidance on an even better mindset & help me with grieving the loss of someone close. Thank god for therapists, every one should have one on their speed dial life is so much more manageable with one whether you’re crazy or not. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’ve successfully made it through shopping, wrapping, baking, being a maid of honor in a December wedding followed by Christmas the week after without ending up in the psych ward, yay! Now I just need to conquer New Years and moving. I took a lunch today and ran to the store to buy a new pair of heels to match my dress for New Years, so that put a smile on my face. When I was walking back to my car I started to think about my mood. I feel like I’m here but that I don’t have the full range of emotions that I’ve had before… I mean what girl doesn’t get super excited after buying a new pair of  heels?!  I’m not easily excited and I’m definitely not depressed, thank goodness. I’m here but I feel bland. Is this just something we deal with because if we don’t take our meds we lose it? Will I feel like this forever or is my body still adjusting to my new meds? I miss the total crazy days when I would wake up at 5:00 AM with out the alarm clock and be super excited about the day. A therapist once told me that no matter how good those hypo mania feelings were it still wasn’t a normal feeling… damn it, I really like those feelings! I have the next four days off so I’ll be all around town running errands, shopping, socializing, celebrating New Years, packing, moving and hopefully I’ll end up relaxing with a great glass of wine at some point. A girls gotta kick up her heels once in a while.  – XOXO CrazyInHeels

December and January are the hardest months to get myself out of bed. Is it the meds or is it that my crazy mind wants to stay hidden in a bed under the sheets?! Today my mind was stricken with anxiety. It came out of the blue and camped out in my mind and thoughts all night. I know it’ll pass so I look forward to falling asleep  in hopes that when I wake up I’ll be back to normal. I’ve learned to live with the anxiety when it happens, I continue to go about my day with little interruption. I look OK from the outside but I”m overwhelmed with worry and fear on the inside and for what? Absolutely nothing! Besides the anxiety my overall mood is more stable. I’m excited that I’m not an emotional wreck right now! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

It was a little hard to get out of bed this morning but I did it anyways. As the morning progress’ I’m happy to report that my mood is significantly better than yesterday. I have more energy than the last couple of weeks. I think it makes me feel better just to go see my doctor and then know that I’m starting a new med that will make me feel better. Almost a relief that the happiness will return soon. I’m returning to a “normal” state of mind (whatever that is) without the manic depression or, unfortunately, the hypo-mania. I’m easier to talk to but not overly talkative. I’m not confined to my bed because of depression. I’m not combative and angry. I’m not overreacting and irrational. I’m coming back to me.  -CrazyInHeels

My fiance noticed a difference already this morning. I’m sure he’s jumping for joy on the inside.