» Mad

Busy, Busy, Busy

Nicole — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 20:16:29 +0000

I think that “busy” is probably my most common word right now! I’m constantly on the go with all of the bridal preparations. I’m so happy to be doing great on my meds, we’ve finally found the right “cocktail” as some would say. I feel like I have everything under control, I can manage the stress well, and most importantly I wake up in a good mood! Oh, and the other good factor is that the new med (Seroquel XR) is not making me gain weight… thank goodness, I have a dress to fit into! When the stress builds, and it does, I don’t lose my mind like I do un-medicated. There are no crying spells because I can’t find a parking spot, I’m not agitated at the many people I have to talk too, and I have patience. We all know how all of those crazy emotions fly right out of us when we’re manic depressed or even manic, and I guess you could even say this happens when you think you feel “normal” and believe me… normal is not part of my vocabulary! For now I’m in control & enjoying every moment (except when people piss me off for a moment, and that has happened). Although I’m a little crazy (or a lot) I can still manage to go to work, work on schoolwork, work on a website, and plan a wedding… this is a huge accomplishment! Perhaps I should go shoe shopping as a type of reward for good behavior ;p – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I Surrender

Nicole — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:34:55 +0000

Still going crazy! I’m at the end of my rope, I’m going to see the doctor in half an hour… thank God! My anxiety and agitation are at an all new high. I feel like screaming, crying, yelling, kicking and running. I feel like all my emotions are wound up tight in my head and ready to burst, my head aches. It’s moments like this that make you want to kick up your heels and wave your white flag “I surrender, I surrender”. I know it will pass but WTF I hate this!!! Ok, I’m done complaining. I’m thinking positive, positive, positive thoughts; shopping, manicures, pedicures, massages, shopping, new pair of heels, more shopping… starting to smile This will pass, this will pass. TaTa for now. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Losing My Mind

Nicole — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:03:33 +0000

Today I was ready to rip out all of my hair and scream at the top of my lungs while throwing my body into a complete temper tantrum on the floor. Yes ma’am, you heard me right… I’m in my late twenties and I was about to throw down like a two year old little girl that was just told no by her daddy! My body was taken over by absolute frustration, my patience had worn thin, and my brain was on overload. I was in the middle of five tasks that needed to be completed in 30 minutes and I was being pulled in five different directions. I felt like I was about to burst. I didn’t know which task to focus on and was too busy trying to figure it out to notice that ten minutes had flown by. My sense of a “normal” reaction to stress was drifting further and further away from my scope of reality. I was so focused on how mad I was that I wasn’t able to finish everything I wanted too. I knew if I stayed later than normal I wouldn’t be able to calm down and my negative feelings would carry over into the night. This is a “trigger” for me, working too much when you’ve exhausted your “normal” state of mind. You’ve got to recognize when you’ve had too much stimulation and/or stress for the day. Listen to your body so you can take a step back and regroup. It’s ok to take care of yourself! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Crazy Reactions

Nicole — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:56:08 +0000

I can now look back at the crazy girl I was un-medicated and laugh. I was one CrazyInHeels girl (ok, so I still am)! I remember when I was such a drama queen. Every little thing that happened to me was a BIG deal. Let’s take for instance the on more than one occasion I have cried because I can’t find the right shirt to wear. Oh my goodness, who does that? I would get this feeling in my body that was of pure frustration. I would get so mad that I would seriously just start ripping clothes off of the hanger only to throw them onto the floor, while crying, over something so silly. I can’t begin to put into words how my body used to feel. It’s as if all emotions had taken over and I just wanted to scream. I was irrational and extremely emotional The feeling would start in the pit of my stomach and work its way all the way up my body until it would come out of my eyes in tears, the whaling around of my arms, and possibly throwing something (yes, I was totally nuts). It’s a strong feeling of udder and complete frustration mixed with a little bit of anger, not a good combo! I’m happy to report that now that I’m medicated I have a normal response to stress i.e. finding the right shirt to wear,very stressful… a girls gotta look good :p I’m able to cope with the minor details of life without losing my mind, and ransacking a room! Does anyone know what I’m talking about? – XOXO CrazyInHeels