» Hope

Getting Married in 86 Days

Nicole — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 03:59:52 +0000

OMG, we just signed a contract to get married in less than three months, hence the hiatus for a week! How in the world is a “crazy” girl who has a full time job, going back to school, and working on a website supposed to get all of this done?! I think I should start a new blog that tracks my progress as the weeks fly by. So… I have one wish.. to be manic during the process ;p seriously I could use the extra energy right about now. Secondly, I hope all of this doesn’t trigger some manic depression, with all the added stress. I don’t necessarily see it as stress, this is such an exciting time, but… things are soooo busy for me (to say the least)!!! Wish me luck! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Live Normal While Going Crazy

Nicole — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 03:14:45 +0000

I’ve had a rough couple of days! Have you ever tried to live a normal life while going absolutely crazy in the inside?! I’m in the middle of a med change so my emotions have been all over the place. I try to go through the motions just to get to the next day in hopes of feeling better… but… still trying to get to that point. No one said being “crazy” was going to be easy. I keep telling myself that “this will pass” but you can only say it so many times! I’m hoping that when I wake up in the morning I’ll feel normal again (whatever the hell that means). I’m working on my positive thinking and am happy for the great care I receive and supportive friends and family. I have so much to be thankful for and I can see the end of the tunnel – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Uncomfortable With The Comfortable

Nicole — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 20:44:17 +0000

Interesting thought… “Does God make us uncomfortable with the comfortable when we don’t listen and try to do things our way in hopes of redirecting us?” Is anxiety in fact a divine intervention,if I may, that screams “TIME FOR A CHANGE, YOUR WAY IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY!!!” I never thought of this but it seems to make great sense when you start to think about it. Like I’ve said many times you are the author of “Your Story” and only you can write the ending. If you’re not happy with ANY aspect of your life… change it! Seems simple right, not always the case! What can I do today to make my life better… happier. I’m not going to get any closer to happiness if I continue to sit back, relax, and wait for the changes to happen. I’m confident in the fact that for today I’m doing everything I can to better myself and continue on the path of self discovery and happiness. I’m taking meds, seeing my doctors, continuing my education, yoga, and eating healthier. I control my happiness, not my “crazy” disease. Who or what controls your happiness, is it you?! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Renewed Hope

Nicole — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:55:31 +0000

I finally had a goo, d day, I’m starting to feel better! I hope I don’t report differently tomorrow. The last few weeks have been such a roller coaster. I actually had enough energy to clean the house, do the laundry, and make dinner… all in the same day! That hasn’t happened in sooo long. Praise Jesus, I think the meds are working!!! It’s hard to get through the bad times but when you get to the good times you have a renewed sense of hope, a hope of living. I might be crazy but when you get down to it I”m just a girl trying to find herself in this crazy life we find ourselves in when we’re in our twenties. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Adjust Accordingly

Nicole — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 05:28:37 +0000

So I’m back to sad and crying today. I’m not going to spend time bitching about it because I know it will get better. My doctor said this would happen after a week or so of being on the new meds. I have an appointment with her tomorrow so I’m sure we will adjust accordingly. I’m counting down the minutes. It’s funny how we rely on a doctor and meds for our happiness. We schedule doctors appointments and shove pills down our throat all in hopes of being “normal” as normal as I can get :p I’m still a CrazyInHeels gal no matter how you look at. I view the world a little bit different, I have my own way of living and that’s how it’ll be and I’m happy with that. Still hanging on during this wild ride we call life… while being “crazy”. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Happy & crazy… back to me

Nicole — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:45:06 +0000

I am so very excited to report that I’m feeling like myself again. I have climbed my way out of the deep black hole of depression that was closing in around me. I actually turned the radio up in the car and bounced around with the windows down this morning. That’s how I know I’m in a good mood, I listen to music on the way to work. I didn’t feel like I was stuck in the same routine of absolute hopelessness that I have been so graciously blessed with the last month or so. I thought for sure I was going to wake up in a bad mood for the rest of my life, not even a brand new pair of heels would cheer my up :p I’m back to living, loving, feeling, and laughing. I am my CrazyInHeels self. – XOXO CrayInHeels

Return To Normalcy

Nicole — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:29:23 +0000

It was a little hard to get out of bed this morning but I did it anyways. As the morning progress’ I’m happy to report that my mood is significantly better than yesterday. I have more energy than the last couple of weeks. I think it makes me feel better just to go see my doctor and then know that I’m starting a new med that will make me feel better. Almost a relief that the happiness will return soon. I’m returning to a “normal” state of mind (whatever that is) without the manic depression or, unfortunately, the hypo-mania. I’m easier to talk to but not overly talkative. I’m not confined to my bed because of depression. I’m not combative and angry. I’m not overreacting and irrational. I’m coming back to me. -CrazyInHeels

My fiance noticed a difference already this morning. I’m sure he’s jumping for joy on the inside.