Posts Tagged ‘Happy’

Last night I had a full blown anxiety attack and I’m still trying to figure out why?? By the end of the day my body is overtaken by an overwhelming sense of tension in my upper chest and throat, as if I’m drowning in my own crazy thoughts. The problem is… I have no idea what is causing the anxiety, I feel happy (I think). This happens almost every day for me now but last night it got the best of me and I lost it. I must get to the bottom of this! When people look at me they have no idea much anxiety I’m carrying around. I look “normal” and happy, if they only knew! How many people walk around every day with similar feelings but hold it in? Everyone has their own battle, you just might not know what it is. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Busy running around. I’ve got to remember what my limits are. When to keep going, when to slow down, and when to say “NO”! I’m too crazy to be running around 24hrs a day 7days a week, I’ll lose my mind… not pretty! I’m having a good time with all of the excitment going on around me. Emotionally I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m glad that I get to share in every one else’s happiness instead of lying in bed surrounded by dark sadness. I remind myself everyday of my accomplishments and strive for bigger and better goals. I’m the only one in charge of “My Story” and I can’t write a good one unless I get off my butt and do something. I of course will need the continued help of medication and my weekly psychologist visits! I’m doing everything I can to keep myself “normal”… and having a GREAT time now!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m not sure if my meds are working particularly great today or if it’s because it’s Friday (or both) but I’m in a great mood today. The anxiety about my anxiety that camps out in my throat is not as bad as it normally is, at this moment. I’m happy to be me and happy to be at the emotional mood I’m in at this moment. All I can do is be present in this moment. I’m making an effort to relax & take time for me. If I’m constantly on the go I know that at some point I’ll come to a screeching halt (lose my mind) not a pretty site! Since I’m now going to be tackling the art of “Cognitive Thinking” I might grab a book and read up. I need to get a better control of my thoughts ASAP!!! (say a prayer!) - XOXO CrazyInHeels

Would I really want to feel like a normal twenty something chic trying to navigate through life??? I don’t think it would be such an adventure! Being crazy has allowed me to love more, cry more, feel more, and do things I would never do if I was normal, I suppose (is this good or bad?). How would the story of “My Life” go? I wish I could watch my life on a DVD and have the option to view the different endings, but I can’t (bummer). So if I can’t see the future I guess I’ll work on the present moment. The best I can do for today with what I have is go to see my doctors, take my meds, take time for myself, and stay positive in hopes of staying on an even playing field. When I do all of these things I have a clear mind to help me make sense of this crazy life and make choices that are good for myself and others around me. This story will end good!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I hopefully get my internet on Thursday so I’ll be up and running with updates on my crazy life.

I increased one medication to keep up with the metabolizing of the new medication and I seem to be doing much better! I feel settled into the new place and most importantly I feel safe. My anxiety has subsided and I’m actually excited to get home instead of scared for my life. I live in a nice neighborhood that is completely safe but my crazy paranoia had taken over my thoughts for the last couple of weeks. My life was chaotic and taking a toll on my overall mood. I’ve slowed down and payed attention to my feelings which has gotten me to a better state of mind. My fiance and I are bickering less and “lovingly” talking to each other again. My “bitch” side has left so we’re definately back to  having a good time. You’re bound to go through the rough patches but that’s what makes the good times so much better! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I have so much going on right now. Christmas cards, christmas shopping, moving, and my friend is getting married this weekend. This is enough to take me back to crazy world. I’ve definately tested my limits today. I have n’t cried (except when I read over my maid of honor speech) but I’ve come close. I can feel that tension that rises in my body that makes me feel like I’m on the verge of insanity. My patience was wearing thin at the end of the day and I was easily frustrated. It’s almost midnight and I’m still going. I’m going to have to take it easy tomorrow. I’ll relax more and stay away from any busy shopping areas, they are too frustrating after a while! If I push myself too much I’ll put myself into a bad mood that I won’t be able to shake for a couple of days, no bueno. I’m thankful to have meds and feel as happy as I do for now, things are good, hectic but good!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

I celebrated my 29th birthday this weekend. I had a great time! I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by people that love me and for that I’m grateful. I’ve been doing  a lot better than the last few months and my mood seems to have been stabilizing. My friends have stuck by me through the hard times and have celebrated the good times. I’m happy to be getting back to my normal life. I’m back to talking and laughing with my friends. Meeting for drinks and dinner. It’s good to get back out into the world and be social. Now if only I could wake up earlier in the morning! My meds are wonderful except for the fact that they make me soooo tired in the morning when I’m trying to wake up. I guess you can’t have everything easy but I can sure wish for it. - XOXO CrazyInHeels