» Episodes http://crazyinheels.com/crazy Thu, 22 Jul 2010 20:12:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 en hourly 1 Self Medicating http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/2009/10/24/self-medicating/ http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/2009/10/24/self-medicating/#comments Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:40:49 +0000 Nicole http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/?p=632 heels 37In order for me to help others recognize the early warning signs of the “crazy” disease I’m going to have to divulge a lot of personal information regarding my former un-medicated life. Please keep in mind that these stories are taken from my not so proud, not so smart, not such a good idea file and this is definitely a former CrazyInHeels gal… so please don’t hold it against me! I told you I would be real and honest…

I have read in many books and heard from a few therapists that this “crazy” disease often comes with an addiction to drugs, cocaine seems to be the drug of choice. This would be our brilliant idea of self medicating.  I preferred the drugs that make me love more, feel more, and dance more. My gateway drug was marijuana. This opened my eyes to a whole new world. Once you try one the others don’t seem as scary. The drugs made me feel like a brand new person. I was depressed and didn’t have any energy, but with the drugs I was more outgoing, had more energy, and had more fun. It put a mask over all of the pain I was feeling inside. The depression and lack of energy was gone, temporarily. When I was high I didn’t have to think about all of the things that I hated about myself and all of the things that had happened to me in my past (I went through a very traumatic experience as a child, my parents divorced, and I had an absent father). I knew something was wrong but the drugs pushed away the awkward feelings I was having. They were a source of happiness for me in some weird way.

The drugs pulled me out of my manic depression and then pushed me right into a mania state of mind. I was all over the place. I was out at the clubs every night of the week. I was a social butterfly and full of confidence, with the help of the drugs. I had a lot of energy and the drugs added even more. I slept all day and partied all night. I felt great (or so I thought), like I was superwomen that could conquer the world, but my sense of reality was warped. I remember dancing around my living room to Britney Spears with a Mickey’s 40 in one hand and a line of coke waiting on the table, and this was on a Tuesday afternoon… who does that?! I picked up a smoking habit which is totally out of character. The drugs made me feel fabulous, so I did what any girl would do… kept partying. I had a martini in one hand and a bag of goodies in the other. I didn’t have a conscience I would lie, cheat, and steal. I had no sense of consequences for my actions, I simply didn’t care. I was outside the realm of reality and I was incapable of rationalizing or thinking clearly. I was hurting those that loved me and essentially hurting myself. I put my fiancé, family, and friends through hell but I didn’t care. I was losing my friends, money, job, apartment and most importantly the love of my life.

After the mania subsided I slipped back into a depression again and lived a very sad life for while. I lost everything and had moved back in with my mom. I had to start all over. I stopped the drugs, got a new job, made new friends, went to church, and focused on being happy with who I was. I snapped out of my depression and lived a normal life for a few months. After a while I was finally happy, but then I started to get too happy, if that’s possible. The feelings I was having were euphoric. I was so happy with myself and who I was growing into. I had enough energy to go into work early and stay late. I needed less and less sleep. I was a strong, confident, successful, and independent beautiful woman, and for once I actually believed it. These feelings continued for a few months and then like all good things, it came to an end.

My mood became angry and agitated. I would constantly wake up in a bad mood for absolutely no reason at all. I was a total bit%$ to those around me. Everything that happened to me was a BIG deal, a reason for me to bit%$ about something else. I was a negative, irrational, crazy girl that cried all the time (don’t I sound fun to be around?!). There was no rationalizing with me. I was only focused on my feelings and I honestly felt like everyone  was out to get me and no one was on my side. I was extremely combative and when I would get upset I would yell, scream, and cry. I blew EVERYTHING out of proportion.

I was prescribed another medication to help with my mood. I had one med to help with depression and one med to help with what I like to call my bit%$ side. My life is definitely more manageable now. I still have my ups and downs, as you can clearly see with all of my postings, but they are nowhere near as bad as they used to be. I’ve been through many years of therapy and many different meds to finally find what works for me. I’ve learned what my triggers are and how to handle them. I’ve learned to think rationally and have a somewhat normal response to all of the crazy situations life brings us. –XOXO CrazyInHeels

]]> http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/2009/10/24/self-medicating/feed/ 0 Interesting Facts & Statistics http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/2009/10/17/interesting-facts-statistics/ http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/2009/10/17/interesting-facts-statistics/#comments Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:58:12 +0000 Nicole http://crazyinheels.com/crazy/?p=531
  • It is estimated that about 1 per cent of the population suffer from bipolar affective disorder at some point in their lives. Some people will experience just one or two episodes, whereas others will have many episodes of depression or mania. It occurs in both sexes and often first appears in the age group 18 -24 (stats from Royal College of Psychiatrists) http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/manicdepressivepsychosis.htm
  • For those who come from families with a history of the disease, the likelihood that future generations will be diagnosed with the disease increase by more than half. Researchers have been seeking a genetic link to the prevalence of the disease in families, and some progress has been made in studies of gene and myelin development within the central nervous system. Other studies have shown that over one half of patients diagnosed with a bipolar disorder have a history of past substance abuse, especially the use of cocaine. http://ezinearticles.com/?More-Interesting-Facts-About-Bipolar&id=559372
  • According to the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the age of onset for bipolar disorder is 18 with the median onset age being 25. However, the medical community is now reconsidering this as more and more incidents of childhood and infant onset are diagnosed.
  • Both men and women experience equal incidence of bipolar disorder, however, women tend to experience rapid cycling bipolar disorder more often while men tend most commonly to experience traditional bipolar disorder.
  • Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.
  • The origins of bipolar disorder are not fully understood. Most agree that a variety of chemical, genetic, and environmental issues combine to trigger the disorder. Bipolar disorder also often coexists with substance abuse, although it isn’t clear whether the link is genetic or not www.associatedcontent.com
  • Bipolar disorder is more common than most people know – it is estimated that one percent of the adult population suffers from bipolar disorder. This means that out of every 100 people you know, one has bipolar disorder. www.associatedcontent.com
  • Bipolar disorder is not a phase. You (or your loved one) will not snap out of it. Natural or homeopathic treatments will not cure bipolar disorder. If you suspect that you have bipolar disorder, it is imperative that you see a doctor as soon as possible. Bipolar disorder is not curable, but proper treatment can make the difference between an unbearable existence and leading an active, productive life. www.associatedcontent.com
  • More than two-thirds of people with bipolar disorder have at least one close relative with the illness or with unipolar major depression, indicating that the disease has a heritable component. (National Institute of Mental Health)
  • Bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability in the world. (World Health Organization)
  • Consumers with bipolar disorder face up to ten years of coping with symptoms before getting an accurate diagnosis, with only one in four receiving an accurate diagnosis in less than three years. (DBSA, 2000)
  • Nearly 9 out of 10 consumers with bipolar disorder are satisfied with their current medication(s), although side effects remain a problem. (DBSA, 1999)
  • Consumers who report high levels of satisfaction with their treatment and treatment provider have a much more positive outlook about their illness and their ability to cope with it. (DBSA, 1999)
  • Manic depression is likely to run in families and, in some cases, is believed to be hereditary. Researchers are still undergoing intense research to identify a gene that may be responsible for this disorder. http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/patientcare/healthcare_services/mental_health/mental_health_about/mood/bipolar_disorder/Pages/index.aspx

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