» Emotions

Live Normal

Nicole — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:54:59 +0000

Still doing good, happy to report! I’m waking up in a good mood and staying in a good mood, this is so exciting! I don’t think you can truly appreciate the good days without experiencing the bad days. I believe that because I’m, oh… soooo… blessed with being crazy, I’m more in tune with my emotions and I experience life on a different level than others. Now, I know that can sound crazy in and of it self but those of you that are “crazy” get it and those of you that don’t.. too bad! haha I chose to see the positive side of this disease because that’s the only way I’m going to make it through this oh.. soooo.. crazy life! I don’t feel bad for myself, pity myself, blame, or make excuses for myself. Sure, I’m a little “crazy” but who isn’t?? I have just as much of right to be here experiencing life as the next person. Life is what you chose to make of it. If you think something is wrong, go to the doctor. I’m tellin ya… you can feel normal! Get of your bootie, dust off you heels and start living!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Crazy Busy

Nicole — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 00:01:42 +0000

Crazy busy right now, wearin down the heels of my heels ;p I’m glad to be feeling like a “normal” person that can function in the real world! The days are busy and can be very long but I’m living and learning with a normal state of mind, well… as normal as I can get?! I’m glad to leave behind the sad bottomless pit that I was stuck whirling aimlessly around for weeks. I feel like I feel more, love more, and live more because I’m blessed with this fabulous “mental disorder”. I experienced the worst of the worst but it makes me appreciate the best of the best! My emotions run deeper than most as my mind wanders to the extreme side of every emotion. Happy for now and enjoying ever minute of it! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

Nicole — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 20:52:45 +0000

I’m being whipped around in a medication frenzy. I’m removing one, taking a new one, lowering the other one… boy oh boy. I cry for no reason at random times. I had to run out of work yesterday because my emotions took over. I’m frustrated right now! I feel like I have so much to be happy for, so many good things in my life and I know I’m happy, but I don’t feel happy. Does that even make sense?! Apparently that’s what a mood disorder is, and I’m so lucky to have been blessed with one… Lucky me! For now I’m working through the feelings and taking some time for me. I have to get back to “normal” ASAP! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

On With Life

Nicole — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:57:01 +0000

Busy with life! Working and going back to school definitely makes me a busy “crazy” girl! I’m still trying to get back to feeling somewhat normal, finding the right concoction of medication. I think we’re close, it just gets frustrating as we sit back to see if this that and the other works. I’m excited to get on with life, be happy! I feel like I do so many other things (yoga, motivational cd’s, journaling, eating healthy) to keep my mind and body happy that it’s about time my emotions caught up. Sometimes you can only do so much, you have to remember there is a chemical imbalance you must correct before everything else can follow. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Live Normal While Going Crazy

Nicole — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 03:14:45 +0000

I’ve had a rough couple of days! Have you ever tried to live a normal life while going absolutely crazy in the inside?! I’m in the middle of a med change so my emotions have been all over the place. I try to go through the motions just to get to the next day in hopes of feeling better… but… still trying to get to that point. No one said being “crazy” was going to be easy. I keep telling myself that “this will pass” but you can only say it so many times! I’m hoping that when I wake up in the morning I’ll feel normal again (whatever the hell that means). I’m working on my positive thinking and am happy for the great care I receive and supportive friends and family. I have so much to be thankful for and I can see the end of the tunnel – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Working Through My Emotions

Nicole — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:04:59 +0000

I’m not going to say that I’m feeling 100% better than Friday but I’m making progress. I went to my Grandpas for dinner last night and when I was faced with the flooding of emotional sadness and grief for my Grandma as I walked in, I embraced the feelings and took a minute away from everyone to cry. I’m starting to feel like some of the tension held up in my body from all of these emotions is finally escaping. Every time I cry I feel like I take one step closer to life without anxiety and the lump in my throat. I’ve pushed these feelings deep down for too long! I’ve been on a new med (Saphris) for almost a week now and feel like my overall mood is beginning to lift. I felt like I was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster that kept flying right past the stopping point, no one was in control. I feel a little foggy in the morning and sometimes feel like I’m lucky I can find my way to work :p but other than that it seems to be doing the job (without the weight gain!). For now I’mstrolling through every day (in heels of course) with a renewed sense of happiness because of the new meds and my ability to finally allow myself to grieve. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Grieving

Nicole — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:23:20 +0000

Honest opinion about how I’m feeling today… sad!!!I miss my Grandma!!! I had a breakdown last night and finally had a good emotional cry, six months later. I’ve now realized that everyone has their own grieving process and there is no right or wrong way to do it or or when to do it. I’m allowing myself to feel the emotions, no matter how painful, and cry when it comes. I can’t always be strong and I need to learn how to lean on others when I need support. I think that being Bipolar has numbed me to allowing myself to feel some emotions because I try to keep some of them at bay so that I don’t lose it. For the most part I’m full of such extreme emotions on a day to day basis that it’s hard to determine what is real and what is the disease creeping in??? I miss her and that’s normal, crying is normal, sadness is normal, regret is normal, “what if” is normal, questioning is normal. So my conclusion for now… I’m sad today but it’s not a “crazy” sad it’s a healthy sad. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Range Of Emotions

Nicole — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 21:32:46 +0000

I’ve successfully made it through shopping, wrapping, baking, being a maid of honor in a December wedding followed by Christmas the week after without ending up in the psych ward, yay! Now I just need to conquer New Years and moving. I took a lunch today and ran to the store to buy a new pair of heels to match my dress for New Years, so that put a smile on my face. When I was walking back to my car I started to think about my mood. I feel like I’m here but that I don’t have the full range of emotions that I’ve had before… I mean what girl doesn’t get super excited after buying a new pair of heels?! I’m not easily excited and I’m definitely not depressed, thank goodness. I’m here but I feel bland. Is this just something we deal with because if we don’t take our meds we lose it? Will I feel like this forever or is my body still adjusting to my new meds? I miss the total crazy days when I would wake up at 5:00 AM with out the alarm clock and be super excited about the day. A therapist once told me that no matter how good those hypo mania feelings were it still wasn’t a normal feeling… damn it, I really like those feelings! I have the next four days off so I’ll be all around town running errands, shopping, socializing, celebrating New Years, packing, moving and hopefully I’ll end up relaxing with a great glass of wine at some point. A girls gotta kick up her heels once in a while. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Rationalizing Emotions

Nicole — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:40:43 +0000

I believe that I feel more deeply than those that are “normal” does that mean that I overreact to situations in my life that are not so problematic? When those around me let me down, and that’s bound to happen, how do I deal with my feelings? How do I know when I’m too upset? There are times when I can take a step back and remove some emotion before I react but sometimes my thoughts and feelings come pouring out of my mouth without any thought, this can get me into trouble. How is a crazy girl supposed to deal with difficult life situations, let downs, and hurt feelings? My feelings run deep in my blood from the top of my head to the tips of my heels and I take things very personally. I’ve learned that you can’t run from difficult situations, you have to face them head on or they just get worse. I’m just going to try and remember to cool down, rationalize the situation as best I can, try and understand where the other person is coming from, and have a calm conversation. I hope this works. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Emotionally Charged

Nicole — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:40:13 +0000

I wish I could feel for one day what it would be like to NOT have such a “crazy” mind. What do normal people think about with so much rational thinking going on… how boring?! If I try to rationalize myself out of a situation I find that I’m in worse shape than when I started. My mind is not capable of the steps involved towards a rational decision. Mine are based on emotions. I’m an emotionally charged CrazyInHeels girl. I try to step back and understand the feelings I have so that I don’t unleash on someone. Please remember that when you’re down your not yourself. You’re very sensitive, irrational, emotional, and combative. Learn to recognize the feelings that your body is going through so that you can handle them in a more productive manner. The more you pay attention and tune into your body the better off you’ll be. Talk to a therapist, read books, check out informative websites, and join a chat group with others that are “crazy’ so you can better understand your “crazy” self. Embrace who you are and consider yourself lucky that you get to experience life with more emotion and feeling then someone that is normal. – XOXO CrazyInHeels