Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’

Still doing good, happy to report! I’m waking up in a good mood and staying in a good mood, this is so exciting! I don’t think you can truly appreciate the good days without experiencing the bad days. I believe that because I’m, oh… soooo… blessed with being crazy, I’m more in tune with my emotions and I experience life on a different level than others. Now, I know that can sound crazy in and of it self but those of you that are “crazy” get it and those of you that don’t.. too bad! haha I chose to see the positive side of this disease because that’s the only way I’m going to make it through this oh.. soooo.. crazy life!  I don’t feel bad for myself, pity myself, blame, or make excuses for myself. Sure, I’m a little “crazy” but who isn’t?? I have just as much of right to be here experiencing life as the next person. Life is what you chose to make of it. If you think something is wrong, go to the doctor. I’m tellin ya… you can feel normal! Get of your bootie, dust off you heels and start living!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Crazy busy right now, wearin down the heels of my heels ;p I’m glad to be feeling like a “normal” person that can function in the real world! The days are busy and can be very long but I’m living and learning with a normal state of mind, well… as normal as I can get?! I’m glad to leave behind the sad bottomless pit that I was stuck whirling aimlessly around for weeks. I feel like I feel more, love more, and live more because I’m blessed with this fabulous “mental disorder”. I experienced the worst of the worst but it makes me appreciate the best of the best! My emotions run deeper than most as my mind wanders to the extreme side of every emotion. Happy for now and enjoying ever minute of it! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m being whipped around in a medication frenzy. I’m removing one, taking a new one, lowering the other one… boy oh boy. I cry for no reason at random times. I had to run out of work yesterday because my emotions took over.  I’m frustrated right now! I feel like I have so much to be happy for, so many good things in my life and I know I’m happy, but I don’t feel happy. Does that even make sense?! Apparently that’s what a mood disorder is, and I’m so lucky to have been blessed with one… Lucky me! For now I’m working through the feelings and taking some time for me. I have to get back to “normal” ASAP! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Busy with life! Working and going back to school definitely makes me a busy “crazy” girl! I’m still trying to get back to feeling somewhat normal, finding the right concoction of medication. I think we’re close, it just gets frustrating as we sit back to see if this that and the other works. I’m excited to get on with life, be happy! I feel like I do so many other things (yoga, motivational cd’s, journaling, eating healthy) to keep my mind and body happy that it’s about time my emotions caught up. Sometimes you can only do so much, you have to remember there is a chemical imbalance you must correct before everything else can follow. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’ve had a rough couple of days! Have you ever tried to live a normal life while going absolutely crazy in the inside?! I’m in the middle of a med change so my emotions have been all over the place. I try to go through the motions just to get to the next day in hopes of feeling better… but… still trying to get to that point. No one said being “crazy” was going to be easy. I keep telling myself that “this will pass” but you can only say it so many times! I’m hoping that when I wake up in the morning I’ll feel normal again (whatever the hell that means). I’m working on my positive thinking and am happy for the great care I receive and supportive friends and family. I have so much to be thankful for and I can see the end of the tunnel – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m not going to say that I’m feeling 100% better than Friday but I’m making progress. I went to my Grandpas for dinner last night and when I was faced with the flooding of emotional sadness and grief  for my Grandma as I walked in, I embraced the feelings and took a minute away from everyone to cry. I’m starting to feel like some of the tension held up in my body from all of these emotions is finally escaping. Every time I cry I feel like I take one step closer to life without anxiety and the lump in my throat. I’ve pushed these feelings deep down for too long! I’ve been on a new med (Saphris) for almost a week now and feel like my overall mood is beginning to lift. I felt like I was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster  that kept flying right past the stopping point, no one was in control. I feel a little foggy in the morning and sometimes feel like I’m lucky I can find my way to work :p but other than that it seems to be doing the job (without the weight gain!). For now I’mstrolling through every day (in heels of course) with a renewed sense of happiness because of the new meds and my ability to finally allow myself to grieve.  – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Honest opinion about how I’m feeling today… sad!!!I miss my Grandma!!! I had a breakdown last night and finally had a good emotional cry, six months later. I’ve now realized that everyone has their own grieving process and there is no right or wrong way to do it  or or when to do it. I’m allowing myself to feel the emotions, no matter how painful, and cry when it comes. I can’t always be strong and I need to learn how to lean on others when I need support. I think that being Bipolar has numbed me to allowing myself to feel some emotions because I try to keep some of them at bay so that I don’t lose it. For the most part I’m full of such extreme emotions on a day to day basis that it’s hard to determine what is real and what is the disease creeping in??? I miss her and that’s normal, crying is normal, sadness is normal, regret is normal, “what if” is normal, questioning is normal. So my conclusion for now… I’m sad today but it’s not a “crazy” sad it’s a healthy sad. – XOXO CrazyInHeels