Posts Tagged ‘Doctor’

Still going crazy! I’m at the end of my rope, I’m going to see the doctor in half an hour… thank God! My anxiety and agitation are at an all new high. I feel like screaming, crying, yelling, kicking and running. I feel like all my emotions are wound up tight in my head and ready to burst, my head aches. It’s moments like this that make you want to kick up your heels and wave your white flag “I surrender, I surrender”. I know it will pass but WTF I hate this!!! Ok, I’m done complaining. I’m thinking positive, positive, positive thoughts; shopping, manicures, pedicures, massages, shopping, new pair of heels, more shopping… starting to smile This will pass, this will pass. TaTa for now. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I saw the doctor this morning and have been told that I have anxiety about a lot of different things but now I’m having anxiety about having anxiety!!! I had no idea that was possible?! After I listed off about eight different things that are major life events that are causing me stress and anxiety I looked right at the doctor and said “what do I do? I need to know exactly how to fix it!” He said “We’re going to work on Cognitive thinking”. I’m up for it but I definatley wanted to know the succcess rate. He laughed and I said “How successful is it with blonde’s?” which made him laugh.  Cognitive thinking… hopefully the answer to my prayers. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m back to seeing my psychologist. I decided that I’ve been through a lot in the last six months and I need to talk and walk through all of my feelings. A girl can only handle so much! The tension, anxiety, stress, and lump in my throat are going to make me age faster and that is not allowed!!! As I walked out of the office (in heels non the less) I felt some of my anxiety melt away. As I start to understand where it is coming from, I can now work on dealing with the underlying problem. Admitting you’re crazy is the first step, then you must do all you can to get the tools to help you live a normal life, it’s possible! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

So I’m back to sad and crying today. I’m not going to spend time bitching about it because I know it will get better. My doctor said this would happen after a week or so of being on the new meds. I have an appointment with her tomorrow so I’m sure we will adjust accordingly. I’m counting down the minutes. It’s funny how we rely on a doctor and meds for our happiness. We schedule doctors appointments and shove pills down our throat all in hopes of being “normal” as normal as I can get :p I’m still a CrazyInHeels gal no matter how you look at. I view the world a little bit different, I have my own way of living and that’s how it’ll be and I’m happy with that. Still hanging on during this wild ride we call life… while being “crazy”. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

It was a little hard to get out of bed this morning but I did it anyways. As the morning progress’ I’m happy to report that my mood is significantly better than yesterday. I have more energy than the last couple of weeks. I think it makes me feel better just to go see my doctor and then know that I’m starting a new med that will make me feel better. Almost a relief that the happiness will return soon. I’m returning to a “normal” state of mind (whatever that is) without the manic depression or, unfortunately, the hypo-mania. I’m easier to talk to but not overly talkative. I’m not confined to my bed because of depression. I’m not combative and angry. I’m not overreacting and irrational. I’m coming back to me.  -CrazyInHeels

My fiance noticed a difference already this morning. I’m sure he’s jumping for joy on the inside.

I got to see my doctor today… thank God!!!! I feel better just by going there. I have no problem admitting that I’m crazy and need drugs asap! She put me on a new drug Tegretol. So I’ll be on Lamictal and Tegretol. Hopefully this starts to make me feel better. I haven’t cried and screamed as much as yesterday. I got a little combative with my fiance yesterday, I was a little irrational. I can say that now, poor guy! It takes a lot to deal with us “crazy” people (I mean that in the nicest way possible). I’m trying to take care of myself and do things that aren’t stressful and take a lot of energy. I’m going to get through this, it will pass. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

My body is tired even though I slept for ten hours last night. Just a few weeks ago I could run all day on three hours. I received an email from a friend and it made me tired just to think about my response. I’ve had three caffeinated beverages and my eyes are still half way shut. All the life has been sucked from my body. I try to go through the motions but it wears me down. All I want to do is sleep with the hope that when I wake up I’ll be back to normal, so far I’ve been let down every morning. I try to keep my positive thoughts in place. Life can be hard when you’re crazy, the all dreaded horrible mood is inevitable, but if you educate yourself and consult your therapist you will learn that there are things you can do to help yourself. For instance, I don’t have any major converstationss with my fiance that have to do with major life changes i.e. wedding decisions, where we’re going to live, financial decisions, etc. I’m fully aware that I’m crazy, sensitive, and irarional at the current moment so I’m not even going to attempt a serious conversation. I also know that I’m highly combative so if I start to get mad at someone I try to take a step back and put those feelings on hold so that I can deal with them once these “crazy” feelings subside. Since I’ve communicated to those closest to me that I’m feeling very “crazy” right now, they are more prepared to deal with me when I’m mad, sad, angry, frustrated, crying… etc. I’ve made an appointment with my doctor to review my meds, getting sleep, and taking time for my myself. These are all things that I can control to help get me back to me, I’m just going to have to hang on till I’m back to me. – XOXO CrazyInHeels