Posts Tagged ‘Crying’

I think that “busy” is probably my most common word right now! I’m constantly on the go with all of the bridal preparations. I’m so happy to be doing great on my meds, we’ve finally found the right “cocktail” as some would say. I feel like I have everything under control, I can manage the stress well, and most importantly I wake up in a good mood! Oh, and the other good factor is that the new med (Seroquel XR) is not making me gain weight… thank goodness, I have a dress to fit into! When the stress builds, and it does, I don’t lose my mind like I do un-medicated. There are no crying spells because I can’t find a parking spot, I’m not agitated at the many people I have to talk too, and I have patience. We all know how all of those crazy emotions fly right out of us when we’re manic depressed or even manic, and I guess you could  even say this happens when you think you feel “normal” and believe me… normal is not part of my vocabulary! For now I’m in control & enjoying every moment (except when people piss me off for a moment, and that has happened). Although I’m a little crazy (or a lot) I can still manage to go to work, work on schoolwork, work on a website, and plan a wedding… this is a huge accomplishment! Perhaps I should go shoe shopping as a type of reward for good behavior ;p – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Yay, I’m still in a good mood. The new med is working great!!! I’m thankful I was able to take the week off of work to get back to the crazy silly girl I am but I’m going stir crazy…. so … stir crazy & mental crazy, what a combo! I’m excited to get back to reality. I have a few friends getting married in the next month so I will be VERY busy for the next few weeks. I’m looking forward to being able to celebrate, the crazy girl I’ve been the last month would not be able to stop crying long enough to make a toast. I didn’t think I would ever get back to “me” but I did and I’m excited to get back out there, heels and all!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thanksgiving will be the first holiday that I will spend grieving the loss of Grandma. I’ve already cried while leaving the grocery store. I see all of the holiday foods to buy and it makes me sad to know that she won’t be the one cooking the fabulous dinner. How does one live up to Grandmas cooking?! Sometimes when I get sad I push the sadness away which is out of character for me. Today I let it takeover and I had a moment of sadness. I was wondering if it’s because my medicine hasn’t kicked in yet and I’m emotional anyways right now but I feel it was different. I can start to feel the meds working but it’s definitely not at it’s full potential. My sadness came from my heart. I truly miss her and I know that when we get over to see Grandpa it will be sad not to see her running around the kitchen and even more sad not to see her sitting at the edge of the table across from the man she was married to for 59 years. I don’t think I’m being too emotional, I shouldn’t feel ashamed of being sad, like I’m an emotional crazy girl that cries over everything. My tears are genuine and I”m going to let them fall as they will and know that it’s ok to acknowledge her and my feelings. I miss her so very much!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thank God I’m feeling better than yesterday! I thought I was going to lose my mind yesterday. I was so anxious and sad. I would periodically start crying for absolutely no reason. I felt totally out of it and definitely not myself. I was consumed with sadness, I was stuck in my own hell of crazy thoughts. There was nothing I could do to snap out of it! I took some medicine that my doc had prescribed in case of this very situation. I was hesitant to take it because I knew it would make me tired but I had enough sense to let that go. I was afraid I was going to just lose it… have a psychotic break and end up in the ER from a mental breakdown. I took the meds and sure enough I was feeling much better within a couple of hours, crazy how that works. I could tell the minute I woke up that the meds were working their magic. I didn’t hate the world and want to stay in bed all day. I have more energy and am happy to face the day today. I hope this feeling lasts for a while. – XOXO CrazyInHeels