» Anxious

Working Through My Emotions

Nicole — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:04:59 +0000

I’m not going to say that I’m feeling 100% better than Friday but I’m making progress. I went to my Grandpas for dinner last night and when I was faced with the flooding of emotional sadness and grief for my Grandma as I walked in, I embraced the feelings and took a minute away from everyone to cry. I’m starting to feel like some of the tension held up in my body from all of these emotions is finally escaping. Every time I cry I feel like I take one step closer to life without anxiety and the lump in my throat. I’ve pushed these feelings deep down for too long! I’ve been on a new med (Saphris) for almost a week now and feel like my overall mood is beginning to lift. I felt like I was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster that kept flying right past the stopping point, no one was in control. I feel a little foggy in the morning and sometimes feel like I’m lucky I can find my way to work :p but other than that it seems to be doing the job (without the weight gain!). For now I’mstrolling through every day (in heels of course) with a renewed sense of happiness because of the new meds and my ability to finally allow myself to grieve. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Where Am I??

Nicole — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:54:02 +0000

I’m lost as to what mood I’m in at this precise moment. Today has been a whirlwind. I was tired this morning, then agitated & moody, then talkative & excited then all the way back to agitated and moody. Can someone point me in the direction of “normal” (if there is such a thing?)! Sometimes I get so sick of all these “crazy” feelings that I want to wine, complain, scream, cry, pout, and burry myself under my covers! If you want the truth… some days are just down right shitty!!! Ok, Ok… I’m done complaining for now. I’m giving myself time to wallow and then I’m back to seeing the positive in life, even though it’s next to impossible sometimes. Closing my eyes hoping tomorrow brings much happiness. -XOXO CrazyInHeels

WTF… I’ll Be Honest!!!

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:44:38 +0000

I was so excited yesterday because the Hypo mania decided to pay me a visit… awesome! but, of course, today I’m feeling a little bit moody and “bitchy” I suppose!I guess I didn’t really understand that I could have the ups and downs even with the meds, learning my lesson. I definitely don’t mind the ups (Hypo mania) or the “normal” state of mind that the medication is responsible for but the depressed, moody, bitchy, sensitive, and anxious feelings (just to name a few) I’d rather just kick in the ass (with my pointiest of pointy high heels) GOODBYE! I try to stay positive, most of the time, but for now I’de rather bitch and complain about the drastic swings of my mood from happy to sad, patient to inpatient, excited to anxious and oh… let’s through in a little bit (oh fuck it I’ll be honest) A LOT of anxiety!!! and see how this girls handles life… WTF!!!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Emotional Rollercoaster

Nicole — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:30:08 +0000

Thank God I’m feeling better than yesterday! I thought I was going to lose my mind yesterday. I was so anxious and sad. I would periodically start crying for absolutely no reason. I felt totally out of it and definitely not myself. I was consumed with sadness, I was stuck in my own hell of crazy thoughts. There was nothing I could do to snap out of it! I took some medicine that my doc had prescribed in case of this very situation. I was hesitant to take it because I knew it would make me tired but I had enough sense to let that go. I was afraid I was going to just lose it… have a psychotic break and end up in the ER from a mental breakdown. I took the meds and sure enough I was feeling much better within a couple of hours, crazy how that works. I could tell the minute I woke up that the meds were working their magic. I didn’t hate the world and want to stay in bed all day. I have more energy and am happy to face the day today. I hope this feeling lasts for a while. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Anxiety Has Taken Over

Nicole — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:38:23 +0000

Today I have had the ohhhh so fabulous feelings of anxiety that have kicked up their heels and camped out in every square inch of my body. Where do you suppose these feelings come from? I’m just minding my own business working away. There is nothing going on out of the ordinary, I’m not in any danger, and I’m not on any new meds. I’ve just been blessed with some extremely awkward feelings that I can’t get rid of. Don’t you just love it when people ask you why you have anxiety… wouldn’t I like to know?! If I could just kick back and relax with a pink martini in hand while sifting through a Cosmo magazine I would but these feelings linger like a bad habit. I’ve tried talking myself out of it, medicating myself out of it, and sleeping my way out of it but I got nothin! I just have to wait until it decides to finally subside. Until then I will have to deal with the shaky hands, nauseous stomach, dizzy, anxious, can’t sit still, check my pulse, think I’m going to die feeling…. soooooo much fun L – XOXO CrazyInHeels