I Surrender

Nicole — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:34:55 +0000

Still going crazy! I’m at the end of my rope, I’m going to see the doctor in half an hour… thank God! My anxiety and agitation are at an all new high. I feel like screaming, crying, yelling, kicking and running. I feel like all my emotions are wound up tight in my head and ready to burst, my head aches. It’s moments like this that make you want to kick up your heels and wave your white flag “I surrender, I surrender”. I know it will pass but WTF I hate this!!! Ok, I’m done complaining. I’m thinking positive, positive, positive thoughts; shopping, manicures, pedicures, massages, shopping, new pair of heels, more shopping… starting to smile This will pass, this will pass. TaTa for now. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Where Am I??

Nicole — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:54:02 +0000

I’m lost as to what mood I’m in at this precise moment. Today has been a whirlwind. I was tired this morning, then agitated & moody, then talkative & excited then all the way back to agitated and moody. Can someone point me in the direction of “normal” (if there is such a thing?)! Sometimes I get so sick of all these “crazy” feelings that I want to wine, complain, scream, cry, pout, and burry myself under my covers! If you want the truth… some days are just down right shitty!!! Ok, Ok… I’m done complaining for now. I’m giving myself time to wallow and then I’m back to seeing the positive in life, even though it’s next to impossible sometimes. Closing my eyes hoping tomorrow brings much happiness. -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Quote

Nicole — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:22:31 +0000

“Being normal

isn’t one of

my strengths!”

Attack of Crazy Thoughts

Nicole — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:04:47 +0000

Last night I had a full blown anxiety attack and I’m still trying to figure out why?? By the end of the day my body is overtaken by an overwhelming sense of tension in my upper chest and throat, as if I’m drowning in my own crazy thoughts. The problem is… I have no idea what is causing the anxiety, I feel happy (I think). This happens almost every day for me now but last night it got the best of me and I lost it. I must get to the bottom of this! When people look at me they have no idea much anxiety I’m carrying around. I look “normal” and happy, if they only knew! How many people walk around every day with similar feelings but hold it in? Everyone has their own battle, you just might not know what it is. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

WTF… I’ll Be Honest!!!

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:44:38 +0000

I was so excited yesterday because the Hypo mania decided to pay me a visit… awesome! but, of course, today I’m feeling a little bit moody and “bitchy” I suppose!I guess I didn’t really understand that I could have the ups and downs even with the meds, learning my lesson. I definitely don’t mind the ups (Hypo mania) or the “normal” state of mind that the medication is responsible for but the depressed, moody, bitchy, sensitive, and anxious feelings (just to name a few) I’d rather just kick in the ass (with my pointiest of pointy high heels) GOODBYE! I try to stay positive, most of the time, but for now I’de rather bitch and complain about the drastic swings of my mood from happy to sad, patient to inpatient, excited to anxious and oh… let’s through in a little bit (oh fuck it I’ll be honest) A LOT of anxiety!!! and see how this girls handles life… WTF!!!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Manic

Nicole — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 05:19:58 +0000

I’m happy to be medicated! Is it possible to still feel a little manic when you’re on two mood stabilizers? I have no problem with this, who doesn’t like the manic high, but I don’t want the lows of depression when it subsides?!!!!! Definitely a great question for the doctor tomorrow… -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Quote

Nicole — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:58:20 +0000

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”

Understanding My Limits But Still Having Fun

Nicole — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:51:54 +0000

Busy running around. I’ve got to remember what my limits are. When to keep going, when to slow down, and when to say “NO”! I’m too crazy to be running around 24hrs a day 7days a week, I’ll lose my mind… not pretty! I’m having a good time with all of the excitment going on around me. Emotionally I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m glad that I get to share in every one else’s happiness instead of lying in bed surrounded by dark sadness. I remind myself everyday of my accomplishments and strive for bigger and better goals. I’m the only one in charge of “My Story” and I can’t write a good one unless I get off my butt and do something. I of course will need the continued help of medication and my weekly psychologist visits! I’m doing everything I can to keep myself “normal”… and having a GREAT time now!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thanks to Meds

Nicole — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:29:44 +0000

Happy that I am consistently waking up in a good mood and that I’m able to get myself out of bed. I’m still not a morning person but I feel as though I have a reason to get out of bed. Last night I was relieved that my anxiety did not make it’s daily visit. I went home and was able to cook dinner, clean up, do laundry, and catch up with friends all with a happy attitude It’s crazy to think that because of a few small pills the “crazy” thoughts and depression are subdued. – CrazyInHeels

Quote

Nicole — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:42:09 +0000

I Surrender

Where Am I??

Quote

“Being normal

isn’t one of

my strengths!”

Attack of Crazy Thoughts

WTF… I’ll Be Honest!!!

Manic

Quote

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”

Understanding My Limits But Still Having Fun

Thanks to Meds

Quote

NORMAL IS ONLY A CYCLE ON A WASHING MACHINE!!!