Archive for the ‘CrazyInHeels Journal History’ Category

Still going crazy! I’m at the end of my rope, I’m going to see the doctor in half an hour… thank God! My anxiety and agitation are at an all new high. I feel like screaming, crying, yelling, kicking and running. I feel like all my emotions are wound up tight in my head and ready to burst, my head aches. It’s moments like this that make you want to kick up your heels and wave your white flag “I surrender, I surrender”. I know it will pass but WTF I hate this!!! Ok, I’m done complaining. I’m thinking positive, positive, positive thoughts; shopping, manicures, pedicures, massages, shopping, new pair of heels, more shopping… starting to smile This will pass, this will pass. TaTa for now. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m lost as to what mood I’m in at this precise moment. Today has been a whirlwind. I was tired this morning, then agitated & moody, then talkative & excited then all the way back to agitated and moody. Can someone point me in the direction of “normal” (if there is such a thing?)! Sometimes I get so sick of all these “crazy” feelings that I want to wine, complain, scream, cry, pout, and burry myself under my covers! If you want the truth… some days are just down right shitty!!! Ok, Ok… I’m done complaining for now. I’m giving myself time to wallow and then I’m back to seeing the positive in life, even though it’s next to impossible sometimes. Closing my eyes hoping tomorrow brings much happiness. -XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m happy to be medicated! Is it possible to still feel a little manic when you’re on two mood stabilizers? I have no problem with this, who doesn’t like the manic high, but I don’t want the lows of depression when it subsides?!!!!! Definitely a great question for the doctor tomorrow… -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Busy running around. I’ve got to remember what my limits are. When to keep going, when to slow down, and when to say “NO”! I’m too crazy to be running around 24hrs a day 7days a week, I’ll lose my mind… not pretty! I’m having a good time with all of the excitment going on around me. Emotionally I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I’m glad that I get to share in every one else’s happiness instead of lying in bed surrounded by dark sadness. I remind myself everyday of my accomplishments and strive for bigger and better goals. I’m the only one in charge of “My Story” and I can’t write a good one unless I get off my butt and do something. I of course will need the continued help of medication and my weekly psychologist visits! I’m doing everything I can to keep myself “normal”… and having a GREAT time now!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’ve been busy working around the house this weekend. Sometimes that’s just as exhausting as running around all day. I’m getting better at slowing down and saying no so that I can take time for me and relax in order to bring my thoughts and feelings back to a slower speed. Being “crazy” has forced me to take a closer look at my life and adjust accordingly. I’m at a point where things are good. I’m able to get out of bed and feel as though I have a purpose. My thoughts are usually positive but I still struggle with anxiety, I’ve GOT to take control of my thoughts. It will happen! I’m here in this moment and excited that today is good for me. I’m starting to find that middle ground somewhere between Manic & Depressed. My depression has subsided & the grief from the loss of manic is passing. I’m happy being in the middle as close to normal as I can get - XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m not sure if my meds are working particularly great today or if it’s because it’s Friday (or both) but I’m in a great mood today. The anxiety about my anxiety that camps out in my throat is not as bad as it normally is, at this moment. I’m happy to be me and happy to be at the emotional mood I’m in at this moment. All I can do is be present in this moment. I’m making an effort to relax & take time for me. If I’m constantly on the go I know that at some point I’ll come to a screeching halt (lose my mind) not a pretty site! Since I’m now going to be tackling the art of “Cognitive Thinking” I might grab a book and read up. I need to get a better control of my thoughts ASAP!!! (say a prayer!) - XOXO CrazyInHeels

Would I really want to feel like a normal twenty something chic trying to navigate through life??? I don’t think it would be such an adventure! Being crazy has allowed me to love more, cry more, feel more, and do things I would never do if I was normal, I suppose (is this good or bad?). How would the story of “My Life” go? I wish I could watch my life on a DVD and have the option to view the different endings, but I can’t (bummer). So if I can’t see the future I guess I’ll work on the present moment. The best I can do for today with what I have is go to see my doctors, take my meds, take time for myself, and stay positive in hopes of staying on an even playing field. When I do all of these things I have a clear mind to help me make sense of this crazy life and make choices that are good for myself and others around me. This story will end good!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels