Archive for the ‘Confessions Of Anxiety’ Category

A tree has politely decided to grow right over the pipe that provides cable and Internet for us so I’m disconnected from the world for another 2 weeks My anxiety is still high from all of the stress over the last month. I’m getting settled into the new home but I’m still scared. Where does this paranoia come from? I had a glass of wine to help calm me down but my nerves were so rattled that it made my stomach hurt. My thoughts are consumed of being attacked. I’m not exactly sure of how to get rid of them?? I was having a lovely conversation with my fiance about my crazy thoughts, stress, anxiety, and now… my new found paranoia. He looked at me and said “Great something else you have wrong!” What the hell kind of answer is that, I was thinking the same thing but only I’m aloud to say something like that. I’m a CrazyInHeels Bipolar Chick with Anxiety and Paranoia. I wonder if there is a new med I can add to my already full pill case?! Hopefully no one breaks into the house before I check in again :p – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I celebrated my 29th birthday this weekend. I had a great time! I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by people that love me and for that I’m grateful. I’ve been doing  a lot better than the last few months and my mood seems to have been stabilizing. My friends have stuck by me through the hard times and have celebrated the good times. I’m happy to be getting back to my normal life. I’m back to talking and laughing with my friends. Meeting for drinks and dinner. It’s good to get back out into the world and be social. Now if only I could wake up earlier in the morning! My meds are wonderful except for the fact that they make me soooo tired in the morning when I’m trying to wake up. I guess you can’t have everything easy but I can sure wish for it. - XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m trying to relax on a beautiful Saturday afternoon but my body is extremely anxious. I can’t stop my thoughts from wandering to uncomfortable feelings. I’m angry, sad, and worried. What am I worried about? Who knows, I can’t figure it out.  I feel an impending sense of doom and I don’t know where it’s coming from or why. I can’t shake the angry feelings and I have the unexplainable feeling of losing my mind. It’s almost as if there are so many anxious feelings flying around in my head that I could explode, lose it. I wish it was Monday so I could get into my doctors office right away. It makes me even more anxious that I can’t see her right away. I feel like my heart is pounding so fast that I could have a heart attack and die, my head is pounding, my hands are shaky, and I have shortness of breath. I wish I could just be normal! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

The anxiety subsided last night but has so politely decided to kick up her heels again and plant herself in my thoughts, haunting me. I have a huge lump of tension in my throat that I can’t shake away for the life of me and I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest. I wish I had a “normal” pill that I could take to make these feelings go away. I haven’t felt like this for a couple of weeks. If I know what these feelings are and they eventually go away then why the hell must I focus on every symptom and blow it out of proportion in my thoughts only to intensify the feelings? I try to make myself not think about it but the feelings consume my every thought. It’s the only thing I can focus on. Forget getting my work done, thinking about what’s for dinner, having a normal conversation… my mind is in a state of panic.

- XOXO CrazyInHeels

Today I have had the ohhhh so fabulous feelings of anxiety that have kicked up their heels and camped out in every square inch of my body. Where do you suppose these feelings come from? I’m just minding my own business working away. There is nothing going on out of the ordinary, I’m not in any danger, and I’m not on any new meds. I’ve just been blessed with some extremely awkward feelings that I can’t get rid of. Don’t you just love it when people ask you why you have anxiety… wouldn’t I like to know?! If I could just kick back and relax with a pink martini in hand while sifting through a Cosmo magazine I would but these feelings linger like a bad habit. I’ve tried talking myself out of it, medicating myself out of it, and sleeping my way out of it but I got nothin! I just have to wait until it decides to finally subside. Until then I will have to deal with the shaky hands, nauseous stomach, dizzy, anxious, can’t sit still, check my pulse, think I’m going to die feeling…. soooooo much fun L – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I would like to take a minute to discuss how “crazy” I am with my anxiety…

If I had to guess I would say that I probably check my pulse…mmm… 20 times a day, who does that?! I am constantly worried about something! My friends think I’m joking when I randomly mention things that I worry about but I don’t think they understand exactly how many “crazy” thoughts run through my head on a daily basis… does anyone else understand???

I actually worry that I could die if I mix Excedrin with my medications or if I drink a glass of wine with all my meds. Anytime I take an over the counter medication I call the pharmacist to make sure it’s ok (yes, they are on my speed dial). I have to ask my therapist twice if she’s sure it’s ok to take so many medications… will I die? I also worry about something happening to the people I love. When I get off of the phone with my fiancé or mom I wonder if this is the last time I’ll talk to them? When my mom makes her long drive home from work or heads home after meeting me for dinner I worry that something will happen to her on the freeway… every time we part! I worry when Brian tells me his head hurts… could have a brain tumor? Seriously… I’m fu&$#%$ nuts!!! Normal people do NOT think like me. These are not thoughts that pass through my mind every once in a while, this is EVERY day!   

Why am I so cursed! I really do wonder what it would be like to have “normal” thoughts for just one day! Oh… the things I would have time to do.