» Confessions Of Anxiety

Attack of Crazy Thoughts

Nicole — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:04:47 +0000

Last night I had a full blown anxiety attack and I’m still trying to figure out why?? By the end of the day my body is overtaken by an overwhelming sense of tension in my upper chest and throat, as if I’m drowning in my own crazy thoughts. The problem is… I have no idea what is causing the anxiety, I feel happy (I think). This happens almost every day for me now but last night it got the best of me and I lost it. I must get to the bottom of this! When people look at me they have no idea much anxiety I’m carrying around. I look “normal” and happy, if they only knew! How many people walk around every day with similar feelings but hold it in? Everyone has their own battle, you just might not know what it is. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

WTF… I’ll Be Honest!!!

Nicole — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:44:38 +0000

I was so excited yesterday because the Hypo mania decided to pay me a visit… awesome! but, of course, today I’m feeling a little bit moody and “bitchy” I suppose!I guess I didn’t really understand that I could have the ups and downs even with the meds, learning my lesson. I definitely don’t mind the ups (Hypo mania) or the “normal” state of mind that the medication is responsible for but the depressed, moody, bitchy, sensitive, and anxious feelings (just to name a few) I’d rather just kick in the ass (with my pointiest of pointy high heels) GOODBYE! I try to stay positive, most of the time, but for now I’de rather bitch and complain about the drastic swings of my mood from happy to sad, patient to inpatient, excited to anxious and oh… let’s through in a little bit (oh fuck it I’ll be honest) A LOT of anxiety!!! and see how this girls handles life… WTF!!!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thanks to Meds

Nicole — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:29:44 +0000

Happy that I am consistently waking up in a good mood and that I’m able to get myself out of bed. I’m still not a morning person but I feel as though I have a reason to get out of bed. Last night I was relieved that my anxiety did not make it’s daily visit. I went home and was able to cook dinner, clean up, do laundry, and catch up with friends all with a happy attitude It’s crazy to think that because of a few small pills the “crazy” thoughts and depression are subdued. – CrazyInHeels

Time Management

Nicole — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:24:00 +0000

I’m trying to work on time management in the hopes of having less stress which in turn will lead to less anxiety (I hope!). I’ve made a list of things that I need to get done in the next few weeks and am putting them in order of importance. Just because I’m “crazy” doesn’t mean that I need to stop LIVING! Yes, I’m emotional; Yes, I’m sensitive; Yes, I need rest; Yes, I’m easily overwhelmed at times; Yes, I talk to myself sometimes.. hahaha, but I can still live and make something out of myself. I might have a mental breakdown in the middle of week or even my day, but I’ll keep going. It’s not where I’ve been but where I’m going! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Anxiety about Anxiety

Nicole — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 03:14:59 +0000

I saw the doctor this morning and have been told that I have anxiety about a lot of different things but now I’m having anxiety about having anxiety!!! I had no idea that was possible?! After I listed off about eight different things that are major life events that are causing me stress and anxiety I looked right at the doctor and said “what do I do? I need to know exactly how to fix it!” He said “We’re going to work on Cognitive thinking”. I’m up for it but I definatley wanted to know the succcess rate. He laughed and I said “How successful is it with blonde’s?” which made him laugh. Cognitive thinking… hopefully the answer to my prayers. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Tools For Sanity

Nicole — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 23:19:05 +0000

I’m back to seeing my psychologist. I decided that I’ve been through a lot in the last six months and I need to talk and walk through all of my feelings. A girl can only handle so much! The tension, anxiety, stress, and lump in my throat are going to make me age faster and that is not allowed!!! As I walked out of the office (in heels non the less) I felt some of my anxiety melt away. As I start to understand where it is coming from, I can now work on dealing with the underlying problem. Admitting you’re crazy is the first step, then you must do all you can to get the tools to help you live a normal life, it’s possible! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Take Time To Relax

Nicole — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:21:55 +0000

I’ve had a lot of stress and anxiety in my life in the last few weeks therefore my body has had a reaction. I’ve had a constant lump in my throat for at least two weeks. I feel like I’m carrying so my tension in my neck and shoulders I mine as well be carrying the world. By the end of the work day I lose all focus, want to scream, my neck, shoulders, and head would ache. I finally decided to go and get a massage in hopes of having a moment to relax and release all of my anxiety and stress. The massage therapist said I had a lot of knots in my upper back and shoulders and that she should focus on the upper half of body rather than a full body massage so she could work out the knots that would hopefully relieve some of the tensioin… I kindly agreed. As she worked out the knots and pushed from the bottom of my back to the top of my kneck I envisioned all of the stress and anxiety being pushed from my body. The money I spent on that massage was well worth it (why are they so expensive)! My body was instantly relived from so much tension. My point in this is that you MUST always listen to your body and do something to help you relax and feel better. I’m also going to start yoga to help me destress my life, you’ve got to take time for yourself… quite time is a must! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Paranoid Thoughts

Nicole — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 23:38:48 +0000

A tree has politely decided to grow right over the pipe that provides cable and Internet for us so I’m disconnected from the world for another 2 weeks My anxiety is still high from all of the stress over the last month. I’m getting settled into the new home but I’m still scared. Where does this paranoia come from? I had a glass of wine to help calm me down but my nerves were so rattled that it made my stomach hurt. My thoughts are consumed of being attacked. I’m not exactly sure of how to get rid of them?? I was having a lovely conversation with my fiance about my crazy thoughts, stress, anxiety, and now… my new found paranoia. He looked at me and said “Great something else you have wrong!” What the hell kind of answer is that, I was thinking the same thing but only I’m aloud to say something like that. I’m a CrazyInHeels Bipolar Chick with Anxiety and Paranoia. I wonder if there is a new med I can add to my already full pill case?! Hopefully no one breaks into the house before I check in again :p – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Celebrate

Nicole — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 04:46:12 +0000

I celebrated my 29th birthday this weekend. I had a great time! I’ve realized that I’m surrounded by people that love me and for that I’m grateful. I’ve been doing a lot better than the last few months and my mood seems to have been stabilizing. My friends have stuck by me through the hard times and have celebrated the good times. I’m happy to be getting back to my normal life. I’m back to talking and laughing with my friends. Meeting for drinks and dinner. It’s good to get back out into the world and be social. Now if only I could wake up earlier in the morning! My meds are wonderful except for the fact that they make me soooo tired in the morning when I’m trying to wake up. I guess you can’t have everything easy but I can sure wish for it. - XOXO CrazyInHeels

Unable To Relax

Nicole — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 18:59:20 +0000

I’m trying to relax on a beautiful Saturday afternoon but my body is extremely anxious. I can’t stop my thoughts from wandering to uncomfortable feelings. I’m angry, sad, and worried. What am I worried about? Who knows, I can’t figure it out. I feel an impending sense of doom and I don’t know where it’s coming from or why. I can’t shake the angry feelings and I have the unexplainable feeling of losing my mind. It’s almost as if there are so many anxious feelings flying around in my head that I could explode, lose it. I wish it was Monday so I could get into my doctors office right away. It makes me even more anxious that I can’t see her right away. I feel like my heart is pounding so fast that I could have a heart attack and die, my head is pounding, my hands are shaky, and I have shortness of breath. I wish I could just be normal! – XOXO CrazyInHeels