Still going crazy! I’m at the end of my rope, I’m going to see the doctor in half an hour… thank God! My anxiety and agitation are at an all new high. I feel like screaming, crying, yelling, kicking and running. I feel like all my emotions are wound up tight in my head and ready to burst, my head aches. It’s moments like this that make you want to kick up your heels and wave your white flag “I surrender, I surrender”. I know it will pass but WTF I hate this!!! Ok, I’m done complaining. I’m thinking positive, positive, positive thoughts; shopping, manicures, pedicures, massages, shopping, new pair of heels, more shopping… starting to smile This will pass, this will pass. TaTa for now. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m lost as to what mood I’m in at this precise moment. Today has been a whirlwind. I was tired this morning, then agitated & moody, then talkative & excited then all the way back to agitated and moody. Can someone point me in the direction of “normal” (if there is such a thing?)! Sometimes I get so sick of all these “crazy” feelings that I want to wine, complain, scream, cry, pout, and burry myself under my covers! If you want the truth… some days are just down right shitty!!! Ok, Ok… I’m done complaining for now. I’m giving myself time to wallow and then I’m back to seeing the positive in life, even though it’s next to impossible sometimes. Closing my eyes hoping tomorrow brings much happiness. -XOXO CrazyInHeels

“Being normal

isn’t one of

my strengths!”

Last night I had a full blown anxiety attack and I’m still trying to figure out why?? By the end of the day my body is overtaken by an overwhelming sense of tension in my upper chest and throat, as if I’m drowning in my own crazy thoughts. The problem is… I have no idea what is causing the anxiety, I feel happy (I think). This happens almost every day for me now but last night it got the best of me and I lost it. I must get to the bottom of this! When people look at me they have no idea much anxiety I’m carrying around. I look “normal” and happy, if they only knew! How many people walk around every day with similar feelings but hold it in? Everyone has their own battle, you just might not know what it is. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I was so excited yesterday because the Hypo mania decided to pay me a visit… awesome! but, of course, today I’m feeling a little bit moody and “bitchy” I suppose!I guess I didn’t really understand that I could have the ups and downs even with the meds, learning my lesson. I definitely don’t mind the ups (Hypo mania) or the “normal” state of mind that the medication is responsible for but the depressed, moody, bitchy, sensitive, and anxious feelings (just to name a few) I’d rather just kick in the ass (with my pointiest of pointy high heels) GOODBYE! I try to stay positive, most of the time, but for now I’de rather bitch and complain about the drastic swings of my mood from happy to sad, patient to inpatient, excited to anxious and oh… let’s through in a little bit (oh fuck it I’ll be honest) A LOT of anxiety!!! and see how this girls handles life… WTF!!!!! -XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’m happy to be medicated! Is it possible to still feel a little manic when you’re on two mood stabilizers? I have no problem with this, who doesn’t like the manic high, but I don’t want the lows of depression when it subsides?!!!!! Definitely a great question for the doctor tomorrow… -XOXO CrazyInHeels

“The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.”