Would I really want to feel like a normal twenty something chic trying to navigate through life??? I don’t think it would be such an adventure! Being crazy has allowed me to love more, cry more, feel more, and do things I would never do if I was normal, I suppose (is this good or bad?). How would the story of “My Life” go? I wish I could watch my life on a DVD and have the option to view the different endings, but I can’t (bummer). So if I can’t see the future I guess I’ll work on the present moment. The best I can do for today with what I have is go to see my doctors, take my meds, take time for myself, and stay positive in hopes of staying on an even playing field. When I do all of these things I have a clear mind to help me make sense of this crazy life and make choices that are good for myself and others around me. This story will end good!!! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

FINALLY I have internet at my home!!! I will now be able to post my crazy thoughts every day!

I’m back to seeing my psychologist. I decided that I’ve been through a lot in the last six months and I need to talk and walk through all of my feelings. A girl can only handle so much! The tension, anxiety, stress, and lump in my throat are going to make me age faster and that is not allowed!!! As I walked out of the office (in heels non the less) I felt some of my anxiety melt away. As I start to understand where it is coming from, I can now work on dealing with the underlying problem. Admitting you’re crazy is the first step, then you must do all you can to get the tools to help you live a normal life, it’s possible! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I’ve  had a lot of stress and anxiety in my life in the last few weeks therefore my body has had a reaction. I’ve had a constant lump in my throat for at least two weeks. I feel like I’m carrying so my tension in my neck and shoulders I mine as well be carrying the world. By the end of the work day I lose all focus, want to scream, my neck, shoulders, and head would ache. I finally decided to go and get a massage in hopes of having a moment to relax and release all of my anxiety and stress. The massage therapist said I had a lot of knots in my upper back and shoulders and that she should focus on the upper half of body rather than a full body massage so she could work out the knots that would hopefully relieve some of the tensioin… I kindly agreed. As she worked out the knots and pushed from the bottom of my back to the top of my kneck I envisioned all of the stress and anxiety being pushed from my body. The money I spent on that massage was well worth it (why are they so expensive)! My body was instantly relived from so much tension. My point in this is that you MUST always listen to your body and do something to help you relax and feel better. I’m also going to start yoga to help me destress my life, you’ve got to take time for yourself… quite time is a must! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Checked in with my doctor (Nurse Practitioner) yesterday for a med check and everything seems to be looking better now. I think I’m finally out of my depression and back to my normal self, half a year later! I wake up on time, work all day with focus, get excited about things in my life that make me happy, and spend more time with friends. It’s nice when people around me notice a difference and let me know. I’m going to check in with my psychologist just to get some guidance on an even better mindset & help me with grieving the loss of someone close. Thank god for therapists, every one should have one on their speed dial life is so much more manageable with one whether you’re crazy or not. – XOXO CrazyInHeels

I hopefully get my internet on Thursday so I’ll be up and running with updates on my crazy life.

I increased one medication to keep up with the metabolizing of the new medication and I seem to be doing much better! I feel settled into the new place and most importantly I feel safe. My anxiety has subsided and I’m actually excited to get home instead of scared for my life. I live in a nice neighborhood that is completely safe but my crazy paranoia had taken over my thoughts for the last couple of weeks. My life was chaotic and taking a toll on my overall mood. I’ve slowed down and payed attention to my feelings which has gotten me to a better state of mind. My fiance and I are bickering less and “lovingly” talking to each other again. My “bitch” side has left so we’re definately back to  having a good time. You’re bound to go through the rough patches but that’s what makes the good times so much better! – XOXO CrazyInHeels

Thank goodness I finally got an alarm system!!!!!!!!! YAY! Best day of my life. I’m still waiting on the internet and cable so until then it’s hard for me to let you all know the fabulous crazy thoughts that are flying through my mind. I’ll be up and running on Sunday… I hope - XOXO CrazyInHeels